Hi all
I know I haven’t been posting much these last few months. Honestly I wanted to give it all up. We all go through some trauma in life, don’t we? How we deal with it reflect on how strong you can be, and personally everyone is different.
This is my personal feeling that I’m sharing I know I shouldn’t but in a way, I tell myself maybe I can help one person, who has lost a loved one. Think back to this I haven’t lost just one I lost 3 in over one month.
I’ve had many people in my life some stay with me for a lifetime and are my family now. Some are in passing, and that is okay too.
This year started so wonderful, that I was writing again and determined to get my next book out. My biggest fan was my Aunt Marjorie, Just thinking of her brings tears to my eyes, just saying. We video chat every day, and we talked about everything. How she was feeling, her fear, and mine as well. She may not have given birth to me but she was my adoptive mother. We had so much in common, one was the love of reading and books.
On April 16, 2023, a part of me died that day, when I found out that she had passed away. My aunt was the strongest person I have ever met, She had her health issues, and every day she would not let that bother her, she put a smile on her face even though you could see how much she was hurting.
She pushed me in ways of writing and inspired me with my stories. I miss her every day not able to talk to her. But I know that would be selfish of me because I know she’s not suffering any longer. She’s dancing and laughing with her one true love my Uncle Yves, They are finally reunited. I love you auntie to infinity. and I know you will always be with me.
This story doesn’t end though: Another person that meant a lot to me was my dad. My sister, brothers and I were so happy that we had finally got him set up in an assisted living retirement home. in our town where we spend most of our young adult life. When I saw this place I knew my dad would love it. He saw the church we went to every Sunday, The railroad tracks were replaced by bicycle paths and the view from the 5 floor had a beautiful sunset at night and faced the police station.
We signed the lease and he was going to leave a place that he was in Montreal for over 40 years. I was so excited for him. My dad was also someone I called every night, old-school phone call, he didn’t believe in the new technology. My sister and I took time off to get him ready for his big day.
As stated, I called my dad every day, So on May 19, 2023, I did my regular call at 7:15 p.m. like clockwork. I found it odd, that he didn’t answer. I told my dad once never to rush to the phone as I would call back. I wanted to talk to him to tell him that I was leaving early that Saturday morning heading to Victoriaville and we would see each other on Sunday. Needless to say, that call didn’t happen. So many things were running through my mind that night when I wasn able to reach him.
I had to call my sister, telling her that I didn’t reach dad. I told her maybe he went to bed early and wasn’t feeling well. It was getting late so I told her if you talk to him, tell him I’ll be on the road early.
That night, I didn’t sleep well. I knew something was wrong, part of me woke up with minimal sleep and, I was driving 10 hours to get to my sister’s place. The Jeep was packed and as I hugged my dog Molly saying: “Be a good girl for Derek, will be back soon” gave her a treat and then walked to the garage. Looked at Derek and told him; “Something not right? I need to think positive thoughts it’s going to be ok my dad is going to have a new adventure.” I hug Derek and kissed him goodbye, and on the road I went.
I always believe things happen for a reason, Still having that incling that something is wrong, New adventure I said to myself, I love road trips the open road listening to the music. I’ve always saw the positive in life. I always thought doing something outside the box is an adventure. Thinking my so positive thoughts, on the road heading to Fredericton to meet my brother, as we were pitching in on my dad’s big move.
Before getting to my brother, my sister called me as she was also trying to reach my dad, She finally got a hold of the neighbour living next door to my dad, which she had a key to his apartment in case of emergencies. I’ll spare you the conversation we had, but my gut was telling me it was not good. I told my brother what was happening hug him told him I love him, back on the road I went. As I pulled onto the highway, that one call that no one expect.
May 20, 2023
My sister crying, holding the steering wheel tighter than expected I ease on the speed and put it in cruise control, as she told me; “Dad is gone”
Now, any sain person would pull over and cry, right? hearing my sister cry, knowing my dad had died, kick something in me. I cannot say what that power within was, But my goal was to get to my sister. Both her and I were close to my dad, when he fell few years back Nancy was there for him, when covid it, and he was hospitalized I was there talking to the doctor and my brother and I was there for him. trying to make his life less painful as my sister had done so much for him.That scared us so much. But nothing scared me the most of knowing he’s not with us anymore.
I called my inner strength to keep going I ask my Aunt to watch over me as I drove that 8 hours stretch to Victoriaville. I put the Jeep under cruise control, to make sure that I didn’t do anything stupid, and drive out of control. Within second mainly I ask God and all the powers to be to give me that strength to keep going. I needed to be there for my sister, for my brothers and mostly for my dad
Holding back tears I told my sister; “I’m coming, call Frank and Peter let me focus on the drive.” She said; “Bren, be careful, take your time, no need to rush.” – I said: “I know, make the call I’ll keep you posted on my progress and location.”
The next call I made was to Derek; yes, tears started but I held them back or tried, few escaped. I told him dad pastaway. He told me to stop and he’s going to meet up with me, I re-assured him I got this let me get to Victoriaville, as Nancy and I have to make arrangements for the funeral, instead of a move. He ask me if’I’m sure, I said yeah, yes I was. All I ask him to do is check on me every two hours. He said he would. I made it to Victoriaville, and the moment I got out of the Jeep, I finally let is go, with huging my sister as we both started to cry.
Losing someone you love is not easy, my dad, was my hero, he did everything in his power to make sure that we had what we needed growing up. But every girl, thinks that of their father when they are a good provider, don’t we. I’m so proud of my sister and brothers as we came together as a unit for our father. I know he would look down on us and be proud of what we did.
We, put our difference aside, and did what dad would have wanted. My father was a simple man, He didn’t have much but I know he was proud of his children and what we became. To say it was easy growing up, yell no! there is so much we learn after his passing. Things Nancy and I knew but maybe not so much our brothers. But still I would not have changed anything, as because of my Dad I am who I am today. A strong independent woman, thank you dad, for pushing us when we needed to be pushed, and believing in ourselves.
What comes next will change my life forever;
Sunday, May 28th, 2023.
My sister and I finally had my dad’s apartment packed up and we were halfway to Victoriaville, from Montreal, it’s was 4:30 pm my time when Derek called me asking me for Jim’s number. I said i can’t I’m driving, then ask him what is going on.
He said that he got a evacuation alert, for our sub-division I told him get back to the house and get Molly asap, I will call Jim. which I did. Jim stated Bren, we are being evacuated to do a wildfire. I told him Jim, Molly is home alone, Derek is not there.
Molly is our baby girl our chocolate Labrador. I called back Derek – told him Derek please get her, (note this is hard for me as tears are running down my face as I write this.) So will stop right now and compose myself
That Sunday night was the longest night of my life. I wasn’t there wishing I was but I wasn’t. I couldn’t be with Derek he was alone, but, I will forever be grateful for Todd and Denise Seward, for being with him. Derek couldn’t get back in our sub-division he tried from many direction. Close friends also tried. the smoke apparently was to dense to get back in. I couldn’t sleep I was texting everyone I knew. Molly was alone, and she counted on us to protect her. I believed in my heart that she would be safe, we would get her out, I had to have hope, right?
First I text Heather around 2am in the morning, as this girl could not sleep. My mind was going on overtime, praying that Molly would be ok, that some how some way she escaped. Early that morning I called Heather, and text Heather, as she also took care of Molly and knew she would do everything in her power. I also got on website, reaching out to Animal rescue, Getting my name in there telling my story about Molly. I even went on the firefighter rescue everything I can Imagine I was on that website.
I knew Derek wouldn’t stop as he would find a way to get in, The next morning Derek was on the road, Heather was calling me, My prayers so how hoping that someone will hear me. When Heather call me back she was already on site, with the officer, as she was also doing rescue missions. She knew someone on the inside a firefighter by the name of Blake, He must have called his Fire-chief, as he called me. I told him do whatever it take to save her, and that I gave him the rights to break anything and that Heather as permission to take her. Little did I know that it was already to late. That fire destroyed all what we had and our precious girl. (keeping the fate she escape)
Heather called me crying stating she got a call and our home was gone,Molly was gone, then Derek call. My world stopped at that moment, I felt useless, knowing I failed our precious baby girl. I cannot say what I said but my sister was at my side, Everything that I cared deeply about was gone, (Molly,dad, my aunt my uncle) how much lost can a person take.
I couldn’t care less about the content of the house, all I care about was Molly. I didn’t give up hope, part of me felt that i need to believe that she escape. Until I had proof. I couldn’t focus on what was happening back home, as we had to take care of my dad’s funeral, I needed to focus on that. I knew Denise and Todd would take care of Derek, and I knew that he was flying in to meet me.
Maybe the thought of focusing on one thing gave me the strength to keep moving, I had to be there for my dad farewell, he deserved that. But I never stop being on the social media getting updates of the site, Reaching out to Animal rescue, My hearts keep telling me she got out, Yes, I know there was no way she could, but Molly was resilient and I knew that if there was a way she would run.
Most of all I hooked up with a social media it’s was my only way of survival, my neighbours, Thinking back now I can never repay the kindness of people that help us along the way, The GofundMe that my niece Gabrielle started and also the employers that both Derek and I work for. Perfect stranger giving us a little help along the way to buy new things we would need. I can never express how grateful I am for everyone that gave a little.
To the RWAC team of Authors that went outside the loop and raised fund for the Animal Rescue Mission, in Molly name. (love you all for doing that.)
To all the firefighters – officer- volunteers and animal rescue that went beyond the call of duty, to save as many homes as they could and animal.
Who would have known on this gorgeous May 28th day 2023, that human error created a fire, that spread so no one could control. That changed so many lives. 151 home destroyed that day not count the claims of lost food and appliance etc. Some are still waiting for repair.
Three week’s after that dreadful day, we finally had closer. Wonderful Group of volunteers called Team Rubicon Canada. Came and talked to Derek and I. Asking what they needed to look for . Everyone has their own special items hoping that will survive a fire. Two main guys of the team took Derek and I aside separately, and I told I needed closure I need to know if Molly was inside, and some personal items that belong to my dad. My heart sank, once again, I cannot or don’t know where that inner strength comes from but the moments they found Molly I lost it once again. Both Derek and I had to lean on each other as tears ran down our faces, as they gave us the box with Molly inside.
The Vetenarian in Tantallon Dr Hare and his team took Molly. God love them as I know i wasn’t making any sense of reason at that moment, I was going crazy trying to find a damn freesby that belong to Molly she needed her favourite toy. As we were sending her for cremation.
It took me this long to write something because I still feel a little out of place. Derek and I are slowing getting thing back to as normal as we can be, It’s going to be a long journey ahead, but I believe we will be ok.
Molly is with us and one day when I’m ready, without sheding a tear I will get that Tattoo, in her memory.
I wanted to Thank everyone, that care so much about our well-being and hugs, thank you. I’m so grateful to be surrounded by such amazing people.
TO MY family, thank you for all the support, our friend, our co-workers thank you for everything you have done,
With love always
Brenda and Derek
